A little Brotherly Discussion
by qsmadness007
Summary: For the fanfic100 challenge at LJ, Set after Eastern Standard time Pacey and Doug have a little discussion on their camping trip. A piece that can also go along with function in a dysfunctional family.


The lake was serene, and none of the local creatures seem to be out, as Pacey Witter, and his older brother Doug sat by the roaring fire in front of the small log cabin where they had been on a camping day for a few days. They sat on a log, their legs stretched out, Pacey wearing his brown jacket backwards to keep himself warm, because the pair of jeans and the sweater he put on today seem to offer him little protection. For the past day and half their father had joined them, and the Witter men had managed not to say that many words to each other. Pacey had just figured that meant that Doug and the old man were out of lectures on his recent behavior.

Doug tossed another stick in the fire. His white sweater and coat are illuminated orange by the fire. In his eyes a far away look that Pacey had never seen before.

"What are you thinking Doug?" Pacey turned toward his older brother watching him intently. The silence was getting on his nerves, and it was about time that someone said something.

Doug looked at him a bit off guard, as Pacey interrupted his thoughts. "I was thinking about something that I did when I was about your age."

"What?" Pacey asked curiously, wrapping his coat tighter around his small frame.

"Do you remember what you asked earlier, that we could keep anything said here; if I tell you what I was thinking about the same rule applies." Doug's voice was quiet, and he wasn't projecting the usual Brotherly hatred that he sometimes tossed at his little brother.

"I promise."

"I was thinking about when I tried to commit suicide."

"WHAT!" Pacey was completely thrown off thinking that it was something small, like getting a B on a test. He never had thought that. Doug had always seemed happy for the most part, and this seemed a bit of a shock to take. All of the problems that Pacey had been experiencing lately seemed to fade into the background.

"That is one of the reasons I took you on this trip." Doug turned his whole body towards Pacey. "I don't want you to hate yourself like I did at that time, and still do sometimes."

This perked up Pacey's interest. He had never thought this little trip might have some ulterior motive, he had just thought it was his brother and father's way to try to shape him up. A look of sadness came on Pacey's face, wondering why he had never known this about his brother. His brother always for the most part seemed the well adjusted Witter, and it wasn't until recently that Pacey had realized this wasn't always the case, and there was a lot about his brother he didn't know. Pacey starred at Doug for a moment, unsure of what to say.

Doug face dropped for a moment as if he was ashamed about what he was going to say. "I don't want you to hate yourself Pace, you are a good kid. You have a chance to do anything you want; I don't want you to get as low as I have gotten. You deserve much better than that. You can fix all the bad choices you have made that have made you feel so self destructive."

"But you can't change the choices you made?"

Doug didn't say anything for a moment. His head still looked down at the log. "I can't. I just keep making the same choices."

"Are you suicidal now, Doug?" Pacey's voice is tinged with concerned as he watched the tensed up body of his older Brother.

"No. But I am making the same choices. And sometimes, I just feel like I will always be in this rut, and never able to find true happiness." Doug looked up at his brother for a brief second. "I'm going to tell you something, Pace, but you can't say anything at all. You can't ever bring it up again."

"What?"

"You've always been partially right. I am not gay, Pace, but I am bisexual. Recently, I have been seeing this guy, and I think dad is going to find out soon."

"Nate?" Pacey asked referring to Nate Rupert a guy Doug has been spending a lot of time with lately.

Doug agree or disagree with this statement . His blue eyes seemed to be fighting hard not to cry. "Don't be like me, Pace. If your relationship with Joey is causing problems, you either neither to tell her, or break up with her. There are times I can't even look at myself in the mirror, especially lately." Doug sighed deeply. "Don't take this the wrong way, Pace. I don't think you are cut out for the future Joey wants for you, college and everything, but I do think that you are bound for something great. I want you to be happy Pace, you deserve that."

Pacey touched Doug's shoulder tentatively. "What about you, don't you deserve happiness too?"

"I've made my choices on how I live my life. It is too late for me."

"I think one day you will be happy." Pacey then moved closer to his brother, and gave him a deep hug. "Thanks for letting me know your secrets Doug."


End file.
